What is the difference between telling someone you have cold sores and telling gHSV-1 if they will allow oral?

It makes me CRAZY that the person I got this ridiculous virus from is not obligated to tell his partners that he gets cold sores sometimes yet I am now going to have to tell everyone I choose to be with that I have "gential herpes"





It is the SAME VIRUS and since most couples engage in oral sex (probably more frequently) as well as intercourse it seems like the telling should be the same.





If you say you have oral HSV-1 and the person allows you to perform oral on them than isn't that functionally the same as them having intercourse with a person who has HSV-1 genitally.





The only difference is the stigma and I think it is time to change that...and get dental dams in use!

What is the difference between telling someone you have cold sores and telling gHSV-1 if they will allow oral?
I agree with you so much.





I also have genital hsv-1, and the thing that really gets to me is that my boyfriend can tell people he gets cold sores, or even choose not to tell, and they don't bat an eyelid or blame him or make inferences about his sex life, while if you tell people you have genital hsv-1 they react completely differently. People can't seem to get their heads round the fact that they are the same - in fact genital hsv-1 is five times less infectious than oral hsv-1!





I have said in the past on a couple of replies that I would just tell men I got oral cold sores, and if they are prepared to receive unprotected oral sex from me knowing that risk, then that's just fine and I've covered myself. But people like to place a moral burden on you if you have genital hsv-1.





You can see that when you look up answers for cold sores and genital hsv-1 on here. Cold sores are 'just a cold sore', there is no moral obligation, and the advice is always that everyone gets them and you should just avoid contact when you have a sore, never that you are obligated to tell someone before you kiss them or perform oral on them, or that you should never have any oral contact again without using a dental dam! It is such a double standard it infuriates me. I mean, can you imagine telling someone that your prospective partner has cold sores and people advising you to run for the hills and saying that it is because he is dirty or promiscuous? Because that happens on here a lot with genital hsv-1.





I told a male friend recently that I had genital herpes. He openly confessed that he didn't have a clue what it was. I explained, I told him it was the same virus as oral cold sores, and he still told me that although he would consider it for a long term relationship, if it was anything less, or if we had been at the making out stage and I had told him, he would have run for the hills. He said it 'sounded icky' and kept on and on asking me if I would have told him before he ever laid a finger on me. Made me feel really great. Since when did cold sores elicit that response?





People seem to think it is worse 'down there' when that simply isn't true. The people who place a stigma on the genital version and not the oral simply don't have a clue what it is. Yes, people with oral herpes should tell their partners - but we shouldn't stigmatise oral herpes, as seems to be happening among some young people who are starting to make a vague connection between cold sores and genital herpes. We should just accept them both the way cold sores are accepted now - a nuisance but not a big deal.
Reply:herpes is herpes is herpes. be honest, take your antiviral meds, and use condoms.
Reply:I agree with you it is embarrassing. When I was in the Army I shared a canteen with a fellow soldier who had cold sores, I didn't notice it at the time, but now I have them. I didn't even do anything sexual to get them and when I get an outbreak I really hate leaving the house. I am even too scared to get a girlfriend just for the fact I have to tell her I get cold sores. I must have a good imune system because I do not get a bad out break, and I have only had two outbreaks since I got the virus and its already been almost 2 years.